Please slow the clock.
I've been completely avoiding discussing the difficulty in learning to let go - which was supposed to be the point of this blog. It appears that the last few months have flown by in a flash and the time is quickly approaching when Z will dash out to spread his wings, fly, explore and enjoy the world - AWAY FROM HOME! And S is trying hard to do the same.
Z started his IB Exams last week. The first higher level English paper went ok. Afer the first 1/3 of higher level calculus, he looked at me and said "That was ugly, (pause) but I think I passed." He looked dejected. I felt sick and had no words to say that would offer comfort. I knew it was only the beginning of a long two weeks of very grueling academic exams. He should be so proud of himself. I marvel at the kids in this program.
Friday he was allowed out of school early to prepare for prom. We went to the tailor to pick up the tuxedo. Of course she hadn't done the alterations for the jacket so we went and had lunch (I didn't let him have the garlic oil on the calzone because I was thinking of his date later - OMG there I go again with the control issue) and then went back to the tailor and picked up the tuxedo to take home. We went to a few hair salons to see if anyone could braid his hair in corn rows but none of them had a staff member available. We picked up the corsage and put it in the 'fridge at home. Shortly before being ready to leave for prom, he noticed there was blood in several places on his shirt (perhaps from shaving?). You have to love the Clorox pen for emergencies like that. I dropped him off at his prom date's house, asked to quickly take a few pictures and then hurried out of there and left him to enjoy himself with his date. They looked so nice. A group of friends went out to a special dinner and then they all went to the prom. Sorry about the blurred pic but his date slipped her arms around Z's arm and here's the corsage.
Yesterday Z went to grad night at Disney. I tried to dissuade him from going as almost all of his friends chose not to go. I didn't want him walking around Disney alone from 7:00 p.m. to 3:00 a.m. I said I didn't mind losing the money we spent for the ticket. He loaded his pockets with cliff bars, pump, glucose meter, glucose tabs, wallet and slipped a FRIO wallet with insulin/syringes/spare prefilled cartridge and a spare infusion set onto his belt. He said I didn't need to worry, that he'll be fine. He mentioned I'm going to end up with a heart attack with all my worrying. I was flipping out on one side and knew full well he was right and he had to go and enjoy himself and make the choice to go. He's 18. Maybe it was all symbolic of him going off to school alone that got me in the gut.
The truth is, he's a very responsible young man and he really is fully prepared to be on his own. I'm the one with the issues!
So while my 18 year old with diabetes was wandering around Disney with thousands of high school seniors from around Florida, my 16 year old daughter had a full day. She drove herself and friends to lunch. Later she had to be driven to a friend's house because they were all going out to Melting Pot to celebrate that friend's birthday. After the dinner party she asked to be picked up and brought home to change clothes and then go to a bar/grill restaurant to listen to her friend's band play. I asked her to be home at 11:30 p.m. which she states she never heard. I called her repeatedly starting at 11:45. At 12:15 a.m. she told me they were going to Steak and Shake, to which I said "no you are not, come home now." That was ignored. She waltzed into the house at 12:55 a.m. Was I unhappy?!!! 30 minutes later she answered her cell phone and I told her to get off the phone. Then she told me the kid who was driving was in an accident and is not breathing. She was visibly upset and we tried to find the kid's home number but didn't have it. Then she was called again and told it was a joke, that they had had a minor accident but there was just a little bleeding. My adrenaline was pumping. I didn't get to sleep much before 3:00 a.m. I took away her phone and her Internet access. But how stupid is that? It's all I can control? She's a good kid. She doesn't take drugs, or get drunk. Now how do I give it back without looking like an #%? She does need to follow some rules.
Zack called us at 6:45 a.m. and said his bus would arrive back at the school at 7:15 so we should pick him up. My husband went and picked him up and Z is safely sound asleep. S is on the couch safely watching tv. But the clock keeps ticking.